Friday, 1 August 2014
I will start by letting you all know that I'm even in a mood writing this. For not particular reason, I just am. And here's some other things that have happened recently that point towards a diagnosis of Bipolar...
This episode started with me just eating some cereal. Nothing else. Nothing else really going on around me. And then out of nowhere, I'm crying my eyes out. I'm sobbing. So much so that I can't eat my cereal which upsets me even more because, as I wail at my poor fiance, "I JUST WANT TO EAT MY CEREALLLLL".
Ibiza. The Ibiza day. On a lovely trip to have some lunch, again with my poor fiance, I had a sudden realisation that I've never been to Ibiza and wondered in a panic if I would ever be able to live out the dream I had as an 18 year old girl dancing to some serious bass on the White Isle. The laughter that came in response to these fears added to my panic. So did the "do you think you're going to want to do that?" line of questioning and so I had a little cry in Maidenhead Costa.
Homeless people. You know everyone shares and posts those stupid videos on Facebook? Well I watched one called 'Make the Homeless smile' about these two guys who spend the day going around New York and giving all the homeless people water and fruit. And it made me have a little tear up in the office. So when I got home I showed it to Gareth and it had no effect at all. Not on him, but on me. It was as if I'd watched it as two different people... terrifying I know.
I don't want to see this. There's a very handy little button you can use on status updates, photos, videos and anything else on your Facebook news feed that hides things. This is now my most used feature of Facebook. It seriously upsets me when people post things of maggots in places they shouldn't be and other disgusting things. Oh and people on holiday. On a beach. IN IBIZA. I don't want to see this :(
Wine. Anyone who knows me knew instantly that I was pregnant because lets just say... I love the booze. I'm not talking Carnage Magaluf style, but a shared bottle or two of gin, just kidding wine, a week works very nicely to ease the general stresses of everyday life. You'd think five months down the line things would be easier. But no. This caused me to have a little meltdown when I convinced myself last week that I would feel better about my leg cramps if I could just have a wine. No logic here. And no wine either. Just sober tears.
Sooooo, I know these are normal hormone induced pregnancy moods but just let me have this one ok.
And also a big thanks to my wonderful fiance who puts up with all of this and the general hypochondria.
On a serious note, if you do have bipolar and want support/advice there's a charity who can help here.